Not The Way I See It

by Edward H

October 4, 2007

I like my coffee how I like my women. Hot, foreign, and with nothing important to say. Starbucks is intent on ruining this for me, and they’ve proved as much with their The Way I See It series printed on every cup. How dare you defile my grumpy morning caffeination with your horrible tokens of motivation. They’re often gooey motivational, new age, and more importantly: not written by me. I plan to release my own collection of coffee cups entitled What You Really Need. Some ideas I’ve kicked around are prices of hookers based on which corner they work, instructions to look under the cup where I’ve hidden a flap of coke, and ex-girlfriend’s phone numbers. Oh sure I’m just copying my diary, but it’s hard to be clever when you’re high on coke running out the door to pick up some hookers and call your ex crying about what’s wrong with your life.

But it’s only Thursday,
Edward H.

With Love & Rum. Alcoholics: Anonymously.