The Wet Secrets have music, secrets that are likely wet

by Edward H

July 10, 2008

Not to be confused with European porn series Victoria’s Wet Secrets (available on DVD in PAL format), The Wet Secrets are a band (who, by the way they dress, are intent on making sure you know this) from… Edmonton. That’s the city in Alberta that isn’t Calgary. Still not coming to you? It’s in Canada, somewhere between the Atlantic and Pacific oceans, in what I like to call “fly-over country”. I got this quote / brief bio on them from some website:

It all started with a racy (staged) photograph snapped in dim light back in 2005, under the dankest of circumstances.  Half-hearted promises to form a band were soon forgotten due to epic alcohol consumption, but would rear back like an angry stallion months later when it became apparent that The Wet Secrets might not be a bad idea after all.  Formed out of contractual obligation (contracted while drunk most likely) The Secrets wrote and recorded the haphazardly magical ‘Whale of a Cow’ album in the seven days preceding the first gig.  Tubas, paint cans and trombones poke into the mix of campy, homo-centric fuzz rock.

Epic alcohol consumption? Homo-centric fuzz rock? Who writes that shit, and why aren’t they writing on here instead of me? I could be down at the pub right now guzzling back some golden throat charmers waiting in happy-hour lines, while avoiding late-night lines, doing lines, using lines, all whilst revealing my own Wet Secrets in a drunken stupor instead of telling you about some other maple-fried bacon band.

Hot Roller, by The Wet Secrets

Victoria’s Wet Secrets (NSFW), by Private©

Thursday = $3.00 beer at The Whip,
Edward H.

With Love & Rum. Alcoholics: Anonymously.