I miss my Uncle Charles y’all

Posted on October 5, 2008

You’ve heard this song. Tha Crossroads by Bone Thugs-n-Harmony is probably (if it isn’t, it should be) one of your favourite rap songs of all time. I remember being younger and seeing the music video - not understanding any of the lyrics (due to their high-spitted speed and the overall theme of death in general) - but still loving it. Hear this: if you’re driving along listening to a good song and your friend switches the track, you might get mad. If you’re driving along listening to Tha Crossroads and your friend switches it, you pull over and kick his ass to the curb. Krayzie Bone, Layzie Bone, Bizzy Bone, and Wish Bone created an instant classic which later went on to win a Grammy for Best Rap Song in 1997. Almost immediately, it became everyone’s favourite “I love this track even though I don’t understand a third of what they’re saying” song (sorry, Snow). Needless to say, if you know all the lyrics, you really deserve a medal. If you didn’t know about this song until recently, you probably heard it thanks to the good people behind Pineapple Express, who seem to enjoy putting good music in their movies.

The first good thing about Bone Thugs is Tha Crossroads. The second good thing is that they’ve also worked with two of my favourite people. You guessed it, they’ve got collabs with both Phil Collins and Ice Cube.

Home features Phil Collins’ Take Me Home lyrics and instrumentals, all the while making Phil look street tough. Because… if you didn’t know, Phil Collins actually is street tough. He may dress like your dad, but make no mistake - Phil Collins has choked people out. You heard it here first!

Until We Rich is a feel-good song explaining the importance of healthy and safe living by Ice Cube and Krayzie Bone. The video features Cube and Krayzie riding in go-karts with their kids and Cube proclaiming, “the best thing in life is life.” A track as positive as this only features the ‘N Word’ seven times - which, by Ice Cube standards, is like none at all. It’s highly probable that after this single hit the charts Cube decided to start making family movies full time. Soft, sure. But remember: the best thing in life is life!

See you at the Crossroads, (so you won’t be lonely)

Bruno.

P.S. I’m not sorry at all, Snow!

R. Kelly : Like looking in a mirror

Posted on October 3, 2008

Yesterday I was walking down the street when it hit me like a ton of bricks.  As euphoria washed over me like urine rain, it revealed one simple truth : R. Kelly gets me.  Never before had I been able to relate to someone so easily.  Oftentimes, listening to his lyrics are like reading a page from my diary.  It’s like he’s singing what I’m thinking. A perfect example :

Mmmm I wonder how my friends would treat me now
If I wasn’t iced up, with a Bentley and a house

I feel the exact same way! Honest to god, there has been many a night where I’ve sat at home with a bottle of Hennessy and wrestled with the very same conundrum. How would they treat me if I wasn’t extremely wealthy?  I mean, what if I wasn’t black, handsome, or couldn’t sing? What if I hadn’t had a huge hit on the Space Jam soundtrack? Dammit Kells, you know me too well!

Much like R., I too was recently blamed for something I didn’t do. And, much like R., I too was able to escape from the whole debacle unscathed and with my career intact - while at the same time dispelling any further rumours! In case you didn’t know, R. Kelly gives really good interviews. Here’s a short clip for your enjoyment. After seeing this, there’s no doubt of his innocence.  You have to applaud him for answering a question thoroughly, instead of a simple ‘yes or no’.  God knows he’s smarter than that! On that very same coin, sometimes I wonder why he’s an R&B superstar and not a world-class lawyer. He displays understanding of some of the more difficult concepts that make most of the population dizzy. I honestly did not know what the term ‘innocent’ meant until he explained it to me. But again, I can’t be accused of not knowing until it’s proven that I didn’t know in not knowing, right? Yeah.

I have some nineteen year-old friends,

Bruno.

With Love & Rum. Alcoholics: Anonymously.