The Eleventh Month

Posted on November 1, 2007

Just so you know, I have priorities. I know it may be hard to believe, but making playlists for you isn’t at the top of my list. I’ve been focusing most of my energy on chasing girls, playing poker and chugging rum.

Being that it is thursday, and that it is the first of the month, I figured I might as well put up a couple of tracks. Tomorrow is friday, so i’ll get to down a bottle then, and head to the disco.

Oh, ya. Wintersleep tomorrow @ Dicks On Dicks. Should we?

The Whole Lovely Bundle

1 Notorious B.I.G. & Frank Sinatra - Juicy in New York
2 Trouble Andrew - What’s So Strange About Me
3 Jose Gonzalez - Down The Line
4 Kenna - Out Of Control (State Of Emotion)
5 Hot Hot Heat - Harmonicas & Tambourines
6 The New Amsterdams - Fountain Of Youth
7 T-Pain vs Cloud Cult - Collide You A Drank
8 Klaxons - As Above, So Below (Justice Remix)
9 The Cribs - Don’t You Wanna Be Relevant
10 The Real Tuesday Weld - Last Words
11 Dog Day - Oh Dead Life
12 The Decemberists - The Perfect Crime #2.51
13 Yelle - A Cause Des Garcons (Booster Remix)
14 Scott Simons - Umbrella
15 Tilly And The Wall - The Freest Man (CSS Remix)

Playlist!
Lucas

Whisky, Women, Wednesday

Posted on October 10, 2007

Somewhere in this photo there’s a bottle of 15-Year Glenfiddich Solera Reserve. There’s no prize if you can find it, because if you do find it — you’re looking in the all the wrong places. However, this post is about that very same bottle. The whisky experts have this to say about it…

The richly layered Glenfiddich 15 Year Old single malt Scotch whisky is matured in three types of oak cask: sherry, bourbon and new oak, before being married in our unique, handcrafted Solera vat. The Solera vat is never emptied but is always kept at least half full. Here, flavours are harmoniously married, creating a whisky of character and intense complexity.

I’m sure I have no idea what they’re talking about, but if by Solera vat they mean a giant cup of whisky, mine is also never empty. I tasted the oak after drinking it too, but that was probably because of the bite I took out of my floor after slamming the whole bottle. It’s sort of expensive if you’re the kind of person that takes public transit (post about that coming soon), so this write-up is really just here to sound classy, expensive, and I saw this photo of all these babes and needed an excuse to post it. In fact, I never even had a bottle of the 15-Year Glenfiddich, it was just some cleaning agent mixed with water and orange juice from concentrate… because I take the bus too.

With Character and Intense Complexity,
Edward H.

P.S. Friday, if you’re reading this: I’ll see you soon!

So You Want to be Famous and Get Girls: A Guide to the Beach

Posted on October 2, 2007

1. Okay. First things first. Get ridiculously attractive, work out constantly, and tan all day everyday.
Note: If you don’t (or can’t) do this, well… go pour yourself a drink, turn off your computer, and carry on doing whatever simpleton task you were doing before.

Alright, now that we got those unattractive losers off our bulging backs, let’s get down to it. You’re hot, you’re jacked, and goddammit, you’re flexible.

2. Don’t drive to the beach. Get some poor sap to tow you there. You’re going to be (if not already) famous, remember? You’re better than he is.

3. Yeah. Enjoy it. Never, ever, wear a shirt.

4. Once at the beach, start by impressing the babes by working out with a child. Sure, it’s just one. But everyone knows you could lift at least eight. Maybe next week.

5. Once all the babes know you’re there, take off for awhile. Walk on some grass with Woody Harrelson and smoke a joint. They’ll all be expecting you when you return, so why not be high?

6. You’re fucked. You should not have gotten high with Woody Harrelson. Haven’t you seen Natural Born Killers?

7. This is the point where things get blurry. Where did Woody go? Which island are you on? Was it you that starred in Castaway?

8. Yes. You did star in Castaway. Show them all why you got the Oscar.

9. Go into a rage. Somebody named ‘Tom Hanks’ doesn’t believe you. Cause a scene. Not a regular scene of course, one only a strong person could cause. This is your beach.

10. You’re Tarzan. Kidnap Jane.

11. Your rage is gone. You remember who you are. You remember you’re hot, jacked, and flexible. Jane also remembers. And it’s because of this that she doesn’t give a rat’s ass of what you’ve just done for the past three hours. You killed that child? Whatever. Expendable. You’re famous. She’s yours forever.

12. Clean up and leave with another babe. Again, famous.

As straight as an arrow,
Bruno.

You Wear The Top, I’ll Put On The Bottom: High Class Prostitutes and High Class Music

Posted on October 2, 2007

That’s right, it’s October. And like every other month of the year, there are a selection of songs I like maxing out almost as much as my credit card. Take a listen through these tracks, loop them, play them, blow lines to them while you tell your friends how you just love that drum beat… no not yet… wait, it kicks in now. Oh man, so good. No, not the coke — the beat… well, the coke too.

Voila!

One.

Here we have a song for cry babies who like a screaming moron talking about girls, but doing so with some kind of emotional style…

Okkervil River - Our Life Is Not A Movie Or Maybe

Two.

This is the newest album from the Shout Out Louds, “Our Ill Wills” and it’s good. I’m no music critic, and I have zero formal education; But I like a lot of really nice things — my Louis Vuitton collection will tell you the same thing: so I’m probably right. They’ve swapped sounds a little bit. I think they almost sound like some kind of time-warped version of The Cure. Maybe as if the 1980’s Cure lived in 2007 with better sound equipment, less Robert Smith depression, but more Robert Smith sound.

Shout Out Louds - You Are Dreaming

Three.

No explanation necessary. Put it on. Turn it up. Pour yourself a big stiff drink, and hit the club… as long as it’s a club that checks ID, and doesn’t allow you to pee — on children.

R. Kelly / Broken Social Scene - I’m A Flirt

Four.

French rap. If you don’t like the song at first, watch The Video — then you’ll love the song, and realize they’re living your dream.

Fatal Bazooka - Trankillement

Until next time, ruin your nose liner.
Edward H.

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With Love & Rum. Alcoholics: Anonymously.