Katy Perry kissed a girl, liked it

Posted on June 26, 2008

Katy Perry (the new and improved Avril Lavigne: Now with lipstick and tits!), has a song detaling her escapade into the world of sucking face with cherry chapstick, and can be quoted as saying,

I kissed a girl and I liked it
The taste of her cherry chapstick
I kissed a girl just to try it
I hope my boyfriend don’t mind it
It felt so wrong
It felt so right
Don’t mean I’m in love tonight
I kissed a girl and I liked it
I liked it

Since Katy’s boyfriend was unavailable for comment, I feel as a man of honour that I can speak on his behalf. Unless he was off kissing boys (and liking it), I can tell you right now, sweets: he don’t mind it — but for posterity, and possibly a new angle for your next hit single: invite that guy along for the experiment. Carry the two… plus… one. What’s that? Oh just doing some math and science — something you wouldn’t understand.

MP3: I Kissed A Girl, by Katy Perry. Or View the video below:

Sweetest Girl, A Life Story

Posted on December 14, 2007

Friday Music Time Surprise brings you a social commentary of a composition. It’s got a strong political standpoint, a hungry message of what we can accomplish if we put our minds to it, and a solid moral foundation. It basically fits the description of everything we believe in over here at WL&R.  I don’t want to waste any more of your time — and I have to rush over to the corner liquor store where every welfare cheque on the east side of town gets cashed to get my night organized. Tonight I plan to find love at the bottom of a bottle, and then replay the message in this song when I’m throwing all of my money away on booze and hookers. 

Sweetest Girl - Wyclef Jean (Featuring Akon, Lil’ Wayne, Niia) 

My life is a joke,
Edward H.

P.S. This photo is of Nicole Lenz — who conveniently also has an alleged sex tape with Paris Hilton. Please inform if and when it surfaces. 

Songs To Get Drunk With; The Weekends Edition

Posted on November 30, 2007

It took forever, but my dear friend Friday is here. It’s been a long week of sitting around masturbating to pregnant women while pretending to be busy at work. Sure I don’t actually have a job, and yeah maybe what I consider work is sitting at home in sweatpants all day with a bottle of rum in my lap mouthing off to that 70 year old hag next door because she doesn’t like how loud I loop my 30 second porno sample clips. I told her I would pay for a subscription so the looping sounds wouldn’t be so frequent if only I could get a job. And how was I to know she knew what was playing anyhow? I always thought seniors were like children — they don’t understand what you’re doing anyway, so what’s the point in holding back when they’re around. As promised yesterday, here’s a weekend list of tunes that you’ve probably already heard and are sick of by now, but I’m sick of trying to find new music for you scenesters, so have a good weekend, try not to look down on too many people in jeans that aren’t as tight as yours, and remember to do lots of coke. I know I’m going to.

Songs To Get Drunk With (alternately titled: Songs To Kill People To)

Yelle - Amour Du Sol

Notorious BIG & Frank Sinatra - Come On - My Way Of Life

Chris Brown Ft. T-Pain - Drug Drug Kiss Kiss (Hood Internet Remix)

Rhianna - Don’t Stop The Music

VHS or BETA - Burn It All Down

Shout Out Louds - The Comeback (Ratatat Remix)

Bjork - Who Is It (Vitalic Remix)

Mobb Deep & Bobb Marely - Got It Twisted (Bobb Deep)

Calvin Harris - I Get All The Girls

I’ll see you tomorrow post drug-binge depression!
Edward H.

Canadian Radio, Radio Canadien

Posted on November 7, 2007

I don’t know much about reviewing music. Mostly because it’s just a bunch of sad dudes crying into a microphone while high on drugs in order to sleep with girls — where as I only cry into a bottle of booze while high on drugs in order to sleep with girls. See. Nothing in common. My ability to review music aside, thanks to the year 2007 and CBC Radio, I am able to link it on the internet… which is nice. CBC has this online radio station with a big list of shows and in-studio sessions that have come through Canada. There are also podcasts you can subscribe to, or just stream from the site. If you’re really savvy, you can even register for a free account (yeah, it takes a few seconds — so you might want to just forget about it), and create your own playlists from any of the songs on the site.

CBC Radio 3

If you go check out the CBC Radio 3 site, and it’s not what you were looking for from Love & Rum on a Wednesday afternoon, don’t worry. I took out an insurance policy. Click on the image above to receive a big desktop sized image of Marissa Tomei. Nice.

11:24am, and not a sip,
Edward H.

Silver Bikini, Silver Website

Posted on November 2, 2007

Now this is more than likely temporary — especially since I loved that god damned fur background so much; But unless you’re checking this from your Blackberry (because obviously the people that often visit this site are Blackberry website checking business professionals) you’ve probably noticed that this place is now all silvered up. I felt we needed to switch up from that last babe motif. Sure she was gorgeous, sure she was wearing fur, and sure none of us will ever sleep with her, but that doesn’t mean we can’t shop around. So there was this girl in my pseudo-porn photo folder (the real porn is on another premium site I run), and I just had to throw it up for your viewing pleasure. I probably don’t need to write much more than that. Lucas wrote a post below, and added a whole bunch of good music to keep you people occupied. Later today I’ll be adding some silver-bikini-removing songs for Friday Music Time Surprise.

Jessica Alba,
Edward H.

P.S. Keeping with aesthetics, I thought I’d throw up an image from that shit-bag of a movie, Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer.

Whisky, Women, Wednesday

Posted on October 10, 2007

Somewhere in this photo there’s a bottle of 15-Year Glenfiddich Solera Reserve. There’s no prize if you can find it, because if you do find it — you’re looking in the all the wrong places. However, this post is about that very same bottle. The whisky experts have this to say about it…

The richly layered Glenfiddich 15 Year Old single malt Scotch whisky is matured in three types of oak cask: sherry, bourbon and new oak, before being married in our unique, handcrafted Solera vat. The Solera vat is never emptied but is always kept at least half full. Here, flavours are harmoniously married, creating a whisky of character and intense complexity.

I’m sure I have no idea what they’re talking about, but if by Solera vat they mean a giant cup of whisky, mine is also never empty. I tasted the oak after drinking it too, but that was probably because of the bite I took out of my floor after slamming the whole bottle. It’s sort of expensive if you’re the kind of person that takes public transit (post about that coming soon), so this write-up is really just here to sound classy, expensive, and I saw this photo of all these babes and needed an excuse to post it. In fact, I never even had a bottle of the 15-Year Glenfiddich, it was just some cleaning agent mixed with water and orange juice from concentrate… because I take the bus too.

With Character and Intense Complexity,
Edward H.

P.S. Friday, if you’re reading this: I’ll see you soon!

So You Want to be Famous and Get Girls: A Guide to the Beach

Posted on October 2, 2007

1. Okay. First things first. Get ridiculously attractive, work out constantly, and tan all day everyday.
Note: If you don’t (or can’t) do this, well… go pour yourself a drink, turn off your computer, and carry on doing whatever simpleton task you were doing before.

Alright, now that we got those unattractive losers off our bulging backs, let’s get down to it. You’re hot, you’re jacked, and goddammit, you’re flexible.

2. Don’t drive to the beach. Get some poor sap to tow you there. You’re going to be (if not already) famous, remember? You’re better than he is.

3. Yeah. Enjoy it. Never, ever, wear a shirt.

4. Once at the beach, start by impressing the babes by working out with a child. Sure, it’s just one. But everyone knows you could lift at least eight. Maybe next week.

5. Once all the babes know you’re there, take off for awhile. Walk on some grass with Woody Harrelson and smoke a joint. They’ll all be expecting you when you return, so why not be high?

6. You’re fucked. You should not have gotten high with Woody Harrelson. Haven’t you seen Natural Born Killers?

7. This is the point where things get blurry. Where did Woody go? Which island are you on? Was it you that starred in Castaway?

8. Yes. You did star in Castaway. Show them all why you got the Oscar.

9. Go into a rage. Somebody named ‘Tom Hanks’ doesn’t believe you. Cause a scene. Not a regular scene of course, one only a strong person could cause. This is your beach.

10. You’re Tarzan. Kidnap Jane.

11. Your rage is gone. You remember who you are. You remember you’re hot, jacked, and flexible. Jane also remembers. And it’s because of this that she doesn’t give a rat’s ass of what you’ve just done for the past three hours. You killed that child? Whatever. Expendable. You’re famous. She’s yours forever.

12. Clean up and leave with another babe. Again, famous.

As straight as an arrow,
Bruno.

With Love & Rum. Alcoholics: Anonymously.