Matthew Barber attempts to depress, depressing music ensues

Posted on July 12, 2008

I tried thinking of something to write where I could make fun of Toronto musician, Matthew Barber — and I couldn’t because I realized I was just too fucking depressed listening to this album to be able to crack any kind of wise. Well, it’s either that or I also once overheard some scientists down the hall saying something about this “fact” that after mixing some old lady’s prescriptions, cheap rave drugs, and Escobar’s Imports that you may feel severe detachment and depression the following day. So there’s that. I’m still betting on this guy though, since there’s no way they could possibly prove that.  When I replay this thing later whilst under a bottle of bourbon, and back on top of a Columbian Snowbank I may be able to make fun of this guy yet!

Easily Bruised & Our Voices, by Matthew Barber

Here’s to hoping,
Edward H.

Ron Cruzan, Delicious? Correct!

Posted on July 7, 2008

About a week ago I downed a bottle of Cruzan single barrel rum at the lake house. With my extensive knowledge of the world’s finest rums, and refined taste buds, I present you with My Rigorous Alcohol Taste Testing Criterium

1. Did it cost a lot? Yes
2. Could you drink it without mixing it? Right from the bottle
3. Was there alcohol in it? Absolutely
4. Did you wind up being belligerently drunk, telling off servers, shooter girls, guys twice your size, taking your shirt off in the middle of the street, and eating microwaved cheeseburgers from 7-11, then forgetting all of the details when you woke up alone in the morning still in the hot tub that’s now gone cold, almost having drowned? Check!
5. Do other (more qualified) rum tasters think it’s a good rum? Pass.

So there you have it, kids. Go buy some Cruzan. It’s expensive, delicious, full of alcohol, and other people that know more about life than you also like it.

With Love, Rum & Blackouts,
Edward H.

Note To Cruzan: Feel free to send me a lifetime supply of your rum, and a single barrel of cash for the awesome review I just gave you. You can email the booze and cash to: edward@loveandrum.com

Canada Day, Fuckin’ Eh!

Posted on June 27, 2008

It’s Canada Day Weekend, and starting today Canadians can be found puking and passing out all over the place. There’s also the good chance of many Canadian flags being tattooed on the upper arms of the faux hawk types across the nation! What better way to show your love for your country than by having a red leaf (or hockey team logo) permanently inked into your skin? Fuck yes.

Now then, back in the real world: I will leave you with a few songs here to tap your keg of Molson Canadian to. Or, with any luck — not Molson Canadian at all.

Saturday Night (Live), by Bay City Rollers
Everybody Wants To Rule The World, by Tears For Fears

Oh Canada,
Edward H.

P.S.

SuperSideBar is more expensive than pouring bottle directly into throat: won’t offend at dinner parties

Posted on June 25, 2008

So the clever folks over at Super Sidebar have found a way to let you dispense up to five different drinks without having to bother with that pesky task of actually picking up a bottle. How proletariatly… proletariat of you to have been physically pouring your own drink all this time. Finally, in 2008 for about $500 clams you can appropriately measure your mixed drinks. Whether there’s a setting for “empty whole bottle into this other bottle I’m going to carry around” or not, I can’t be sure… but I do know it pours the booze in 5 separate little flexible tubes — so the premium rum you pour yourself, and the Bacardi you feed to your dogs guests will never mix.

Technology strikes again!
Edward H.

It’s An Island

Posted on June 8, 2008

So here I am, sitting on a westbound ferryboat crossing the bay to another island just across the way. In about ten minutes I’ll have finished this bottle of rum I’ve been working on during the ride across. When this thing hits berth, I’ll be meeting up with a dear friend to prepare and cook delicious fixings of the barbecue variety, overlooking the northeast Pacific and discuss a healthy itinerary littered (liquored?) with even more rum, loud music, potentially upset neighbouring households, and with any luck pass out on a bar stool — as so often happens.

It’s Saturday afternoon, almost evening, and at this point — what’s the difference anyway? Weekend? Weekday? Evening, morning, midday? I should select a song to place here that will make your shoes go shoo-shoo-shoo, your hands to go yes-yes-yes, and your throat to go chug-chug-chug. All resulting in a likely pound-pound-pound in your head tomorrow morning, but not before a thump-thump-thump on your headboard tonight.

Gimme More & Bring ‘Em Out (Remix) by, T.I. and Britney.

Good luck out there, tiger!
Edward H.

Let’s Burn This Mother Down!

Posted on June 7, 2008

Weekend. Island. Party. Booze. Drunk. Music. Pants.

Oh, and here’s a video of Yeasayer singing 2080 in some dingy European apartment. How totally bohemian! I stole it from these guys over here.

Whisky, Women, Wednesday

Posted on October 10, 2007

Somewhere in this photo there’s a bottle of 15-Year Glenfiddich Solera Reserve. There’s no prize if you can find it, because if you do find it — you’re looking in the all the wrong places. However, this post is about that very same bottle. The whisky experts have this to say about it…

The richly layered Glenfiddich 15 Year Old single malt Scotch whisky is matured in three types of oak cask: sherry, bourbon and new oak, before being married in our unique, handcrafted Solera vat. The Solera vat is never emptied but is always kept at least half full. Here, flavours are harmoniously married, creating a whisky of character and intense complexity.

I’m sure I have no idea what they’re talking about, but if by Solera vat they mean a giant cup of whisky, mine is also never empty. I tasted the oak after drinking it too, but that was probably because of the bite I took out of my floor after slamming the whole bottle. It’s sort of expensive if you’re the kind of person that takes public transit (post about that coming soon), so this write-up is really just here to sound classy, expensive, and I saw this photo of all these babes and needed an excuse to post it. In fact, I never even had a bottle of the 15-Year Glenfiddich, it was just some cleaning agent mixed with water and orange juice from concentrate… because I take the bus too.

With Character and Intense Complexity,
Edward H.

P.S. Friday, if you’re reading this: I’ll see you soon!

Me? Drunk? There’s a 92% Chance

Posted on October 4, 2007

Sailor Jerry Spiced Rum. It’s delicious, reasonably priced, and conveniently high in alcohol content. This stuff is flavoured with so much goodness that it doesn’t require the time-tested palate for alcohol I have, so even you and your underage friends can enjoy it. Sailor Jerry is 92 Proof — which means when you open a bottle there’s a 92% chance you’re going to get douchebag wasted. It’s the perfect staple for any night of the week, because let’s face it, if you’re not drunk 92% of the time, what are you doing with your life? Baby Jesus only gave you one youth and one liver for a reason, so: put them both to good use and drown in a bottle.

With Rum & Rum,
Edward H.

With Love & Rum. Alcoholics: Anonymously.