DeVotchKa: What you get when you mix Romani, Greek, Slavic, Bolero, Mariachi style music with a whole lotta drugs

July 7, 2008

DeVotchKa gets their name from some foreign word meaning “young girl”. Which, considering their European front, probably really means not technically legal, but does anyone really check that folder anyway?

Moving forward. Though their musical style makes them sound like a bunch of foreigners, you’ll notice they’re singing in english. That’s because these four fakers are really just from Denver, Colorado. Posing as traveling burlesque’ish gypsies from over seas, they actually might just be my ex-girlfriend in human form. I’m guessing their names are, Talks Real Loud Gypsy, Spirituality Gypsy, Total Alcoholic Gypsy, and I’m On Lotsa Drugs Gypsy. Gypsies, transforrrrm! Oh great, now they’re going to start chatting my ear off about vintage stores, yoga and dive bars.

Clockwise Witness, The, by DeVotchKa

Downward dog,
Edward H.

80’s for the 00’s, The Mary Onettes

July 5, 2008

So a group of foreigners decided to get together in 2000 and form a band that sounds like the British accented, murmuring, keyboard-board playing, facts of life singing, 80’s bands of yesteryear (all going on while they were just barely old enough to watch the actual Facts of Life). Now what you’ve got is a Swedish throwback to the glory days of women with too much hairspray, plastic hoop earrings, red lipstick, cocaine residue on their noses, and sex in back rooms surrounded by neon lights. Actually, this all sounds suspiciously familiar — maybe I’m not thinking about the 80’s at all, but instead: That Hooker From This Afternoon. Well anyhow, perhaps they’re just more like New Order, Joy Division, Echo & The Bunnymen. Good thing I don’t write for any publication that actually cares what you say or how you sound when trying to be in-the-know on any given subject. Go boobies!

Still, by The Mary Onettes

I don’t know anything about the 80’s either, I was too busy learning to pee,
Edward H.

America Day, aka 4th of July, aka July 4th, aka not a holiday in Canada

July 3, 2008

Tomorrow is America Day. For their celebration, I will be rolling down to Yankee soil to… soil… on the USA’s version of Vancouver, “Seattle”. Anyhow, aside from drinking double your weight in light beer, and celebrating your Yankdom with some freedom fries, you could watch this video by Jack English American.

Go Seahawks!
Edward H.

Canada Day, Fuckin’ Eh!

June 27, 2008

It’s Canada Day Weekend, and starting today Canadians can be found puking and passing out all over the place. There’s also the good chance of many Canadian flags being tattooed on the upper arms of the faux hawk types across the nation! What better way to show your love for your country than by having a red leaf (or hockey team logo) permanently inked into your skin? Fuck yes.

Now then, back in the real world: I will leave you with a few songs here to tap your keg of Molson Canadian to. Or, with any luck — not Molson Canadian at all.

Saturday Night (Live), by Bay City Rollers
Everybody Wants To Rule The World, by Tears For Fears

Oh Canada,
Edward H.

P.S.

Katy Perry kissed a girl, liked it

June 26, 2008

Katy Perry (the new and improved Avril Lavigne: Now with lipstick and tits!), has a song detaling her escapade into the world of sucking face with cherry chapstick, and can be quoted as saying,

I kissed a girl and I liked it
The taste of her cherry chapstick
I kissed a girl just to try it
I hope my boyfriend don’t mind it
It felt so wrong
It felt so right
Don’t mean I’m in love tonight
I kissed a girl and I liked it
I liked it

Since Katy’s boyfriend was unavailable for comment, I feel as a man of honour that I can speak on his behalf. Unless he was off kissing boys (and liking it), I can tell you right now, sweets: he don’t mind it — but for posterity, and possibly a new angle for your next hit single: invite that guy along for the experiment. Carry the two… plus… one. What’s that? Oh just doing some math and science — something you wouldn’t understand.

MP3: I Kissed A Girl, by Katy Perry. Or View the video below:

Dirt Nasty, 1980, Cocaine, G-Strings, Cocaine

June 25, 2008

White rapper (and most definitely holder of other part time jobs) Dirt Nasty rollerskates his way through a costly pile of the booger sugar (Columbian cold and flu medicine, the Devil’s dandruff, a South American snowbank) to present you, The People, with his idea of what the 1980’s were like. A time when he was no doubt off playing with GI Joe figures, sniffing Mr. Sketch markers, and catching cooties — all making up for lost time now by instead playing with female figures, sniffing Mr. Escobar’s income, and catching STDs.

Thank God to the internet and quirky white rap music for popularizing cocaine, objectifying women, and … objectifying women!

MP3: 1980, by Dirt Nasty. Or view the video below:

With love and rum,
Edward H.

SuperSideBar is more expensive than pouring bottle directly into throat: won’t offend at dinner parties

June 25, 2008

So the clever folks over at Super Sidebar have found a way to let you dispense up to five different drinks without having to bother with that pesky task of actually picking up a bottle. How proletariatly… proletariat of you to have been physically pouring your own drink all this time. Finally, in 2008 for about $500 clams you can appropriately measure your mixed drinks. Whether there’s a setting for “empty whole bottle into this other bottle I’m going to carry around” or not, I can’t be sure… but I do know it pours the booze in 5 separate little flexible tubes — so the premium rum you pour yourself, and the Bacardi you feed to your dogs guests will never mix.

Technology strikes again!
Edward H.

Guy named Matt dances with crabs, not the kind you get on Granville

June 24, 2008

Matt Harding the dancing traveler spent 14 months of his life gallivanting (really?) across 42 countries. All this so he could perform a little jig that looks not unlike my very own Celebratory Dance! that I adhere to after downing half a bottle of rum and pouring the rest all over the closest stripper.

You go Chastity Matt!
Edward H.

With Love & Rum. Alcoholics: Anonymously.