Family Vacation: A Cautionary Tale

The lady is out of town and I've been productive enough with work to not be distracted with writing posts for this place. Instead, what you get is something from here at the local coffee shop. It's a transcript of what I had hoped was going to be a text conversation between me and the Mrs. in Vancouver. No replies to be heard of, it turned out awfully one-sided. It's text message style and stream of consciousness so forget about grammar or sense...


And go...

i need to film this family at the coffee shop as a cautionary tale.

three kids. the parents are juggling humans.

one keeps smashing the table, he's gotta be... 4? 5? he's old enough to know better, i can tell you that.

the girl is maybe 4? maybe he's 5? i don't know. they're all less than 5? maybe 6? i can't tell their ages, they all just look like monsters.

the one that was smashing the table non stop is now wandering in the parking lot while one is spinning in circles around an umbrella and the other is just yelling about her food, or something. her english isn't quite there yet.

the dad is sitting on his iphone, thumbing away.


WHAT! there are four of them! the children are multiplying.

the noises! they sound like squeak toys with beating hearts.

they were just grab-assing at everything inside in line in front of me. i didn't know if they were in line, if they weren't in line... or what!

grabbing every snack, poking at sandwiches then a cup falls from the merchandise area. now they're across from me on the patio.

this is vacation?!?

JEEESUS. the three year old just darted out into the driveway of the parking lot.

get ropes for these things.

or like... do they have portable electric fences? you know? you put it in your purse... you can only go 3 metres before getting zapped. it may hurt a little and get you scorned from other concerned citizens, but it's better than a dead 3 year old in mexico. that'd ruin your vacation more than this lunch.